In which a Mormon attempts murder.

So when I woke up, I had some toast with PB and banana for breakfast, and that was probably the loveliest part of my day.*

I started my day off right with The Chief. Honestly, I contemplated not going, but my desire to WOD got the best of me. This sir and I grappled for 12 rounds at 70#. I was 3 reps shy of 13 rounds, and I lost two to coaching by means of form correction. I was solidly on pace for 15. Oh well. (But: my clean is so much cleaner now!)

Then I drove to The Mormon, who was asleep. (“I woke up at 8! But then I went back to sleep.” A likely tale, Sleeping Beauty.)

I ate an apple while I waited for him to awake from his deep slumber. I looked to the sky in a vain attempt to read the hour by using the sun’s position. The inversion saw to it that I would not see the sun lest I climb my way to the heavens.

Those aren’t clouds. That would be “haze” - a polite term for soul-sucking pollution. Pinky promise the sun is up there. Somewhere. I think.

Inversion is actually a pretty neat meteorological/orographic phenomenon. Temperatures are literally inverted - usually you see temperatures decrease as you increase in elevation, but during an inversion, the opposite happens. It was ~15°F when we started at the mouth of the canyon, but as we moved upupup, so did the temperature. Layers were peeled and sweat started pouring. Pro-tip: ice is still cold when you hold it, regardless of above-freezing air temperatures (!!! above freezing !!! things are melting !!!).

'Sup, inversion? The valley is somewhere below that mess. So thankful for blue skies and clean air. (I CAN BREATHE UP HERE, YOU GUYS.) Also: that icicle is bigger than my person. I should have stood next to it. Oops.

We started on the south face, which was warm and sunny and generally lovely. Very hikeable. 

After about 2 miles and 1500ft vert, it was time for snowshoes and Jane photobombs. Also time for sculptures of tandem bikes, apparently:


Bunch more vert. On snow shoes. I am not graceful. I got laughed at a lot and called “cute.” My hip flexors were screaming. Not cute. “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US?” they begged of me. “Ask The Mormon,” I replied. He reminded me that I went to CrossFit by asking what we did this morning. “Ugh. Power cleans. I should not have gone to CrossFit.” He was a kind sir and got me a cold drink of water to quench my insatiable thirst when we arrived at our destination. (HALLELUJAH! A spring!)

"Now - wasn’t is worth it for this?"

"That’s it? Just a spring and a sign? OH. I mean. Yeah. It’s pretty. Real pretty. Is it lunch time yet?"

I thought going down would be kinder on my poor hips. Nope. Hurts just the same. Flat is nice. Can we find flat? Because really, my hips hurt a lot. No? No flat? “HEY WAIT. Let me take a picture of you. So regal and majestic, standing atop the inversion,” she said as an excuse to rest her poor hips. It’s fine. Only three miles back down. No big. #criessilently

"Why are you taking a picture?"

"To show how deep the snow is!"

Cool, I’ll just fall into it and ruin your photo like you ruined my hips. Also: walking is just really hard for me in general. And by walking, I mean standing.


ANYWAY. I didn’t ask him how long the hike was before we started traipsing. I probably should have. I asked when we were almost back. Turns out it was like 6.5 miles with, according to this website, 2359ft gain.

I should not have gone to CrossFit this morning. And I should have brought more food with me on this adventure. And by “more” I mean “any.” But it’s fine, because loaded baked potato pizza.

Ugh. My body is so wrecked right now.

All the vert, all the hurt.

  1. gilliansquirtle said: haha oh you two! i love freak the mighty! (that’s you and the giant)
  2. tallmormon said: Do we tell the hips about skiing tomorrow
  3. committingtome said: OMG that pizza tho. You earned it, the whole thing. Also, sounds like a really fun really awful hike and I’m simultaneously jealous and glad I wasn’t there.
  4. funnyrunner said: Didn’t know people could go out in temps that low…surprised your lungs didn’t freeze.
  5. chrystimoreorless said: What an amazing hike!! (I will never be visiting Utah….)
  6. jbizzle329 said: Want.
  7. my-life--in-a-nutshell said: This looks like an amazing hike! Jealous!
  8. trivialbob said: Cool post.
  9. x-opher said: I wanna come do this. Tell the Morman I’m down. I’ll convince that beachy Canuck to join.
  10. jrfred said: We had the same breakfast. The rest of our day was vastly different.
  11. mar-kicksass said: Awesome day! I want a short vid of you showshoeing. Never tried it. Also did you just drink that water? Is it ok to do that? (So ignorant of survival info)
  12. uhoh-janellio said: Amazing!
  13. fitwriter said: Wow, what a gorgeous hike!
  14. ariavie said: Inversions are so cool, unless you live in the valley. The Fairbanks valley would fill with ice fog. Craziest stuff ever.
  15. regainingmymoxy said: I want to come out and go on a hike with you guys. SO. BAD. In the winter. In the summer. In the fall. ALL. THE. TIME!!
  16. trish-runs-the-world-away said: OK THAT IS so cool
  17. milesandgiants said: We’ve had a forever long inversion in Idaho, too. Every damn winter.
Blog comments powered by Disqus